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They said loving someone means fighting for that love whatever it takes. What will happen if someone stops fighting for that love? Will you stop loving too? How ironic that I just shared how happy I am being in love again and yet here I am now feeling unwell because we needed to take some alone time to figure things out.
He needed some time to be alone and I can't blame him for it. He's hurting because of the feedback and comments of my parents towards him. Yes, I was able to introduce him to my family already but things didn't turn out so well the following day. It started with a question "Any feedback yet?" and I answered him honestly. I have to admit it, my father sets high standard, a standard that no one could ever met. I don't blame my dad for that, he's just being overprotective. After telling him everything, he was hurt. He took it against him, but still, I didn't regret the fact that I was being honest with him. I apologized and told him despite the negative feedback, that nothing's changed and that I still love him, but it wasn't enough. I know I've hurt him so much and if only I can take away all the pain he felt that day I will. We haven't talk the following day after that conversation over the phone. I started to miss him and wanted so bad to talk to him but my phone was dead and there's no electricity the whole day. I was able to contact him that night, and we talked, and I cried.. That night I was crying so hard that I can't hardly breathe. I asked him if he needs time to think or if he wants me out of his life and then the next thing I knew I was crying already. All of our happy thoughts, our sweet conversations just flashed back in an instant. I can't think of anything that night, I just wanted to cry out loud. I hated him that night, I wanted to asked him what happened to all the promises he made? but I didn't uttered any word. I fell asleep with tears in my eyes and I woke up feeling so down. My eyes were bulging, and not even a concealer can cover how I feel that day. I went to work wearing an eyeglass on and feeling ugly. That day really sucks!
I already bid farewell to him but he called me up that day. He wasn't feeling well, he told me that it was karma because he made me cry. We talked, and I began to realized that I'm feeling okay along the way. We had a serious conversation and even laughed again last night like the way we were before. I assumed that we were okay already, but I'm just so assuming. We weren't okay, he told me that he needed some time to think things over and that he want me to reply with his messages and answer his calls anytime he wants. In short, I can't text him and i can't call him unless he do the first move. He said he loves me but it's just that he needed some alone time. Then I realized and figured out, I needed a time as well. Time to think things clearly, to be certain about things, and to figure out what is it I wanted. I love him so much that I want what's best for him even if it means saying goodbye.
Goodbye for now and I know we will meet again. Maybe not now, not tomorrow but I know soon enough.. When we're no longer hurting.. When we're brave enough to say "Hi! How are you?".. I will wait for that day that we will be okay and will be able to say "hey! I miss you".. To the question I asked at the beginning of this post, the answer is, we didn't stop loving, we just wanted to stop hurting. To the guy who means so much to me, I hope that if one day we'll both figure things out, whatever happens, it might be for closure or for starting new, I just want you to know that I'm very thankful that you came and have loved me even for a short period of time. I LOVE YOU, GOODBYE.. Until then..
---modified this blog as of Oct. 01, 2015--- my real thoughts and just found out recently that he's just making an excuse so F*CK him! it's not goodbye for now it's GOOD BYE forever! You're the worst thing that happened to me. Why would I wait to someone who's a JACKASS! I'm sorry for the words I used, I just needed to burst this out.
This is amazing dear, thanks for sharing x
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So touching and so familiar these feelings. They bring back so many memories of the pain in relationships, all too easy to bring back up. Sending you many hugs and wishes that the right person, the one who stands by you because they truly love you, will soon be in your life. Stay hopeful, dear, and know that you are very loved!
ReplyDeleteThank you Shamu.. I will be okay soon..
Deletegreat post
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Can I be honest with you?
ReplyDeleteCan I be really honest with you?
Your boyfriend is an ass. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have left you because of your parents not liking him instantly. I'm sorry if this is harsh, but I do think you deserve so much better than this. He could've stuck around to try to change himself, better himself to convince your parents. If he made promises that he will stick around no matter what, well, that asshole of a guy isn't worth your time anymore.
You'll find a guy one day who will love you no matter what obstacles come your way, and you'll be happy and you will love and love without tears of triviality.
Harshness and an opinion out of the way, I do hope that you're okay. Heartbreak isn't easy to go through but I'm sending lots of love your way, Rica.
May | THE MAYDEN
I was struck in a bit, :'( Thank you for being honest May.. I'm very much okay, comments like this is an eye opener.. I really appreciate your concern and I thank you for that.. I needed this to be able to realized what have I done wrong.. Thank you so much for dropping by, I appreciate it a lot. I will be okay, things will be okay for me soon.. I may be hurting for now, but I know I'll be fine..
DeleteExcuse my language but love is a f*cking rollercoaster in a tornado of bad sh*tty things. You can love someone, and they can love you too. But you can't make them stay and that's their problem. Even if he's affected by your parents, he shouldn't have left. Especially if you both love each other. Things fix, but nothing will mend if you just leave. F*ck your boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteYou can love him still but just know this, you don't have to wait for him. He doesn't deserve you if he wants you to wait. You're amazing.
I hope you're doing okay, Rica. Even if you're not, you're going to be <3
xx Bash | Hey Bash | bloglovin'
:'( thank you for such an honest comment Bash.. I will be okay.. Maybe not now.. but soon enough..
DeleteHi sweetie,
ReplyDeletebad people don't deserve you tears. Be strong, you'll be fine soon.
Big kiss
Maggie D.
Fashion Blog Maggie Dallospedale fashion diary
Awe, thanks Maggie.. I will.. Soon I'll be fine again..
DeleteOh Rica, I totally understand where you are coming from... I cannot believe you are having to deal with this so soon after being so happy. I too went through this in the summer, I was so disappointed that I finally allowed myself to care for someone only to have them walk away so quickly... (I am still going to try to give love a chance down the road... )
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with May, it is your ex boyfriends loss, you deserve so much better and he shouldn't wonder when karma comes around... I hope and pray you will find the right person for you one day soon... my thoughts are with you xox <3
Even I too couldn't believe how things went too fast.. Now I'm actually doing better and I believe I'll be okay soon. Thank you for such heart melting comment Launna.. I always appreciate it..
DeleteFantastic post dear! :)
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